I like scary movies, always have. But i’m more of a Supernatural kinda gal versus The Human Centipede. I feel like scary movies are meant to make you scream, not feel mentally disturbed (yikes). Lately I’ve been living a scary movie of my own.
Here in Thailand they have a these creatures everywhere .. ants. I know, ants are not really scary. But its not about what they don’t do, its about what they could do. I watch millions of them march from one corner of the wall to the other, I watch them scatter around the kitchen when I do the dishes, and I watch as they dart in and out from under the desks at school.
Most of them are harmless but sometimes when I’m sitting and I catch an ant walking down the length of my thigh, my heart stops and I suddenly feel a terror creep up on me. My skin feels itchy all over and as I smack at it and flick it off my jeans, I quickly examine the rest of my body to make sure there aren’t more. My fear comes from the fact that ants stay mobbing. If there’s one, there most definitely is more and no matter how hard you try, you will never get all of them.
Once you attract their attention, they come upon you swiftly and you begin to feel like an elephant under attack. At night, when the lights go off and my eyes get heavy, I sleep for about 3seconds before my foot tingles with the familiar crawl of ant feet. I shift and a tingle begins on my shoulder. Before I know it I’m swatting all around determined to get rid of every last one. Panic turning to terror, I turn on the light and find .. my bed is clean as a whistle. Throughout the night this episode repeats itself several times and finally when the roosters crow and the sun creeps over the horizon, I yawn and pray I can catch a couple of hours of sleep. Luckily I do. And I dream (something that has become more common lately).
I dream that I am lying in bed covered in ants from head to toe and I watch as they enter and exit from every hole and crease in my body. I dream about a suffocating death by ants invasion. Finally, I awake brushing quickly at myself and checking the perimeter of my bed. A breath of relief escapes.
This isn’t fear. This constant knowledge that I will never be 100% safe .. This is terrorism in the first degree.